Is my friend a bigot?
I have a friend who, like me, lives as a minority here in our southern Arizona county. To put it bluntly, we're among an "anglo" minority living among the 85% of the majority population that is Hispanic.
Recently, she scolded me because I have two greetings on my telephone answering machine - English, then Spanish.
"WE don't do that here!" she exclaimed.
I was at a loss for words and just let her remark pass.
What would you have said to her?
11 Answers
volponcito,
Interesting post. Sadly where I live I have contact with only one person that speaks Spanish, a lovely lady from the Honduras who continually helps me - Mmm.. I'm thinking I should be living there for six months of the year and here six months of the year..maybe one day.
Oh, and my telephone greeting starts with "Hola!" and my friends are like What??????
But the comment "We don't do that here." - well - unless you are an indigenous person we are all originally from somewhere else aren't we?
What to do about the scolding? Well, with my Irish background I probably would have offered to do a (answer machine) recording for her - in Spanish of course!
Slightly less direct than Eddy's response (although I agree with him), might be to ask her if she's ever heard of the phrases "freedom of speech" and "freedom of assembly".
The recorded message on my home phone is in English and Japanese for the very simple reason that we get a lot of calls (perhaps, most) from Japanese speakers.
It's an easy thing to get self righteous, sit back and judge others, just write them off as somebody less than we are......
I grew up in the deep south, in an era where things were done and said that were racist and bigoted, but who knew, that's the way we were raised. I didn't have the advantage of being 'enlightened' from birth or being so culturally 'aware' so that I could point out others faults knowing that I would never have such impure thoughts come into my mind....
People can change, and I am a living example of that. You can write your friend off as a bigot, or you can show her some love by talking to her from your heart, not down to her as some lower life form. My own personal experience is, God ripped that stuff out of my life 12 years ago, and I haven't looked back.
For the last year, I've been attending a Hispanic church, and my wife and I are the only white folks there. I've never had so many real friends that weren't white and didn't speak English, it's the most wonderful thing seeing the amazed look on their faces when they hear this Georgia white boy speaking to them in their native tongue. People can change. Give your friend the opportunity. It may be the best thing that ever happened to her.
I think I would let a comment like that wither on the vine until I could have a discussion where I was not in a state of shock.I would not really hope to change her mind, just make it clear what my thoughts were and I expected respect for me and those I honored in my own home.
Hi volponecito
Your question was, Is my friend a bigot?
My answer in one word, Yes.
"WE don't do that here!" she exclaimed.
And I would ask her with a benign smile: "Who doesn't do what where, cariño?"
she scolded me because I have two greetings on my telephone
If you like it, who cares what she thinks? Assuming of course your not trying to court her, then maybe you are trying to be extra nice to her... 
hehe
Yeah but anyways, if it was me, I'd tell her 'If you don't like it, bite me'....
Relax. Look beneath the surface.
If she is your friend, you must have some clue as to why she reacted the way she did. Is something bothering her in her personal life? Is she afraid of something?
The word "bigot" is very powerful and it shuts down any hope of a two-way communication. You may think that she is a bigot, but don't verbalize that thought.
It may take awhile - maybe weeks or even months - but slowly and lovingly you can try to find out why she feels that way or why she said that. People don't change their minds as a result of a lecture. Who knows...she may not really feel that way at all...she may have some other thing that is gnawing at her.
I don't like to call names, but, well.....I think that you should talk to her about it. Maybe you can change her mind
Personally, I hope that I would have let it go as you did.
Hello, Volponecito. Meet Red Flag.
Ask her, Why don't we do that here? First in English, then in Spanish. See if she gets the point. Go Sun Devils
