No need to cry - my poem

Question

Some time ago HOOAH let us judge his writing. Now I wonder, if my poem will survive your comments or get torn apart...?

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NO NEED TO CRY

.

In the Valley of Shadow, at the Station of Fear

The last train of laughter shall soon disappear.

You won't catch it - don't worry, for the old engine driver

Is not working this morning, and not breathing either.

.

In the Valley of Shadow, by the River of Hate

Sat the lonely gravedigger awaiting his fate.

No birds and no children, just the whispering river:

"Who should bury Gravedigger? Who should bury Gravedigger?"

.

Hush, little baby, this way or the other

The water will hug you, caress like a lover.

Hush, little baby, there's no need to cry,

There's no need to whimper, there's no need to sigh

.

No one can hear you nor ease this dull ache

This way or the other - you'll never awake.

I like that a lot! :) - cheeseisyummy, Nov 5, 2009

Answer 1

Reall the only thing I can suggest is to say "Who should bury the gravedigger?"

Or capitalize gravedigger like a name, "Who should bury Gravedigger?"

Answer 2

That's a very sad poem. You expressed it so beautifully.

Your English skills are awesome, Issabella. (Spanish too!)

Thank you, but somehow I feel overvalued ;)) - Issabela, Nov 5, 2009

Answer 3

Please understand that in poetry there actually are no rules, grammar, spelling, capitalization...none of it matter. One famous poet wrote in all lower case (I wanna say T. S. Eliott)

You won't catch it - don't worry, for the old engine driver

Technically, train drivers are called engineers, but for the sake of the rhyme, you can actually leave it as it is. I just wanted to point out the term engineer would be used in ordinary writing.

"Who should bury gravedigger? Who should bury gravedigger?"

Gravedigger should have "the" in front of it...or, if you prefer to leave out the "the," then gravedigger should be capitalized as it would be a proper name if not preceded by "the" or "a." But, then again, it's a poem so do as you please.

No-one can hear you nor ease this dull ache

It's "no one"...no hyphen. Of course, it's a poem, so if you want a hyphen there, go ahead.

The poem sounds fine. I don't really "get it," but it does sound and look very poetic, which demonstrates a high degree of competency in English. Unless told so, one wouldn't know -- just by reading it -- that English was not your mother tongue.

matter = matters...but strangely I've exceeded my daily edit limit...so I can't fix it. - webdunce, Nov 5, 2009

You're right, no hyphen. Strangely enough, I haven't notice these while reading. The poem itself it's quite old. In my teachers' training college we had to write a sonet, and this was mine. - Issabela, Nov 5, 2009

e. e. cummings was the poet that wrote in all lowercase - jrey0474, Nov 5, 2009

Answer 4

Simply wonderful Issabela.

Answer 5

Pero escribí sólo dos poemas en inglés

Answer 6

Increíble, Issa, no esperaba menos de ti, la verdad

Answer 7

...it does sound and look very poetic, which demonstrates a high degree of competency in English.

The reason I say this is because poetry uses the language in a non-standard way, and yet must come across as having been crafted by a person already familiar with the standard usage.

See, my Spanish writing -- when I'm trying to say ordinary things like "I'm going to the bank tomorrow" -- might come across as non-standard, too, but definitely not in a poetic way.

Oh I thought you talked poetic. Like a haiku. jajaja. :) just kidding. - Seitheach, Nov 5, 2009

Answer 8

Good point. I had to get rid of the article because of the poem's rhythm.

Answer 9

No, definitely not

Answer 10

That's really good. I'm partial to poetry though.

And English is not your first language?