HomeQ&AWould someone proofread this?

Would someone proofread this?

0
votes

Cuando era niña, mi familia y yo íbamos al parque todos los sábados. Montábamos las bicicletas o caminábamos por la senda. Mi mamá leía sus revistas mientras mis hermanos y yo jugábamos en el parque. Nos subíamos a los árboles o jugábamos a las escondidas. A veces, nadábamos en la piscina del parque o nos columpiábamos en los columpios. También, me gustaba jugar a los ladrones y policías. Yo siempre ganaba. Una vez, mi familia y yo hicimos un picnic en el parque. Mi hermana y yo trajimos sándwiches y postres para comer. Comí un sándwich de jamón y mi hermana comió un sándwich de pollo. ¡Me divertí mucho!

When I was little, my family and I went to the park every Saturday. We rode bicycles or walked on the path. My mom read her magazines while my siblings and I played in the park. We used to climb trees and play hide-and-go-seek. Sometimes, we would swim in the park pool or swing on the swings. I also used to like to play cops and robbers. I would always win. One time, my family and I had a picnic in the park. My sister and I brought sandwiches and desserts to eat. I ate a ham sandwich and my sister ate a turkey sandwich. I enjoyed myself a lot!

1699 views
updated OCT 26, 2009
edited by piano123
posted by piano123
Looks good to me Piano - ian-hill, OCT 25, 2009
Piano123 - THANK you. Not everyone responds as favourably as you have done. They say when you do something right no-one remembers. Well, remember this; I remember. Thank you. - Moe, OCT 25, 2009

2 Answers

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votes

I would change the following sentence in both languages:

Original sentence Sometimes, we would swim in the park pool or swing on the swings. A veces, nadábamos en la piscina del parque o nos columpiábamos en los columpios.

Revised sentence Sometimes, we would swim in the pool or play on the swings. A veces, nadábamos en la piscina o jugábamos en los columpios.

The first sentence of the paragraph clarifies where you are playing: at the park. So it isn't necessary to repeat it.

updated OCT 26, 2009
edited by Rex_W
posted by Rex_W
0
votes

¡Hola!, Piano123:

One of the things you will find here is that it is very helpful if you include your own English language version of what you have written in Spanish.

I think you can still do that if you "click" on the "edit" button beside the Flag in your original question entry.

If you are unable to add it, just enter it in the Reply window below so its there to guide whoever proofreads your work.

Help us to help you.

Thanks,

Moe

updated OCT 25, 2009
posted by Moe
thanks (: - piano123, OCT 25, 2009
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