Can someone correct this paragraph?

Question

I'm not very experienced with spanish and I tried to write a paragraph for an assignment. Can someone please help me correct any errors in it? thanks

Hola! Yo mellamo Calvin. Yo soy alto y flaco. Yo soy un Nuevo Yorker. Me gusta Nuevo York. Yo vivido en Nuevo York por once años. Yo tengo trece años. Mi cumpleaños es el once de noviembre. Me gusta beisbol, basquetbol, y futbol Americano. No me gusta futbol. Me gusta ajedrez. Me gusta leer. No me gusta escribo creativo. Es muy dificil! Yo juego beisbol, futbol Americano, y basquetbol. Mi deporte favorito es beisbol. Yo juego ajedrez en competicion. Yo tocar la trompa frances. Eso es todo. Adios!

Answer 1

I don't see anything wrong with your paragraph. I understood it; but I'm not a teacher. In my personal style, I would have used a different word here and there, and I may have used a different ritmo, un sabor distinto, but so what? It would have been the same. Don't all of a suddent think that what you are saying is wrong. It's plain, it's vanilla...but it's perfectly understandable...which is what you wanted to accomplish, right? There are a few typos in it...but I understood it.

Answer 2

Start by taking out all the ''yos'' you don't need them if you conjugate your verb to the first person.

Answer 3

Good job on that, Calvin.

You need to add some accents, such as on "fútbol," but overall it looks good.

You don't need to say "yo" when you use words such as "tengo" and "soy" because it's obvious that you're talking about yourself.

I've heard that too many pronouns, e.g., "yo" sound very foreign.

Answer 4

@philmikki...Por favor, no te brincas la espalda de el. Es obvio si es un jovencito en esto. Claro que si que va a hacer errores aqui y aca. Pero eso no es importante. La accion de communicarse es la mas importante...con tiempo, las fraces de el sera mas sofisticados, mas sabros, mas de el.

"frases" - --Mariana--, Sep 11, 2009

I see your point and agree somewhat, but if people want to improve we shouldn't tell them that mediocre is great. - Seitheach, Sep 11, 2009

Answer 5

I think he did a good job as well. I was just saying to give to one encouragement. Look at that Paula Abdul on American Idol. She says far more positive than negative...even if the person is a complete hack. It's just a personal style of mine, and I was more trying to encourage him in his studies. I'm sure he'll learn those things...soon enough he'll be like you and me and only use verbs. But that's a thing that comes with time. Truth be told, I never almost never use yo, tu,...I use "el" alot, for clarification. None of the people I listen to ever use them either. But that comes with time...

I see your point...good thinking. - --Mariana--, Sep 11, 2009

I don't think that it has to be an either/or situation. It is possible to gently point out errors while at the same time giving encouragement...just don't go overboard on the errors part. If they are all the same error, however, then it doesn't hurt to - Izanoni1, Sep 11, 2009

point this out. - Izanoni1, Sep 11, 2009

I must admit he is better at 13 than I am at 38. - Seitheach, Sep 11, 2009

Answer 6

Hola! Yo mellamo Calvin. Yo soy alto y flaco. Yo soy un Nuevo Yorker. Me gusta Nuevo York. Yo vivido en Nuevo York por once años. Yo tengo trece años. Mi cumpleaños es el once de noviembre. Me gusta beisbol, basquetbol, y futbol Americano. No me gusta futbol. Me gusta ajedrez. Me gusta leer. No me gusta escribo creativo. Es muy dificil! Yo juego beisbol, futbol Americano, y basquetbol. Mi deporte favorito es beisbol. Yo juego ajedrez en competicion. Yo tocar la trompa frances. Eso es todo. Adios!

I would say: ¡Hola! Me llamo Calvin. Soy alto y flaco. Soy un Neoyorquino (Or Soy de Nueva York). Me gusta Nueva York. He vivido en Nueva York hace once años. Tengo trece años. Mi cumpleaños es el once de noviembre. Me gusta el béisbol, básquetbol y fútbol americano. No me gusta el fútbol. Me gusta ajedrez. Me gusta leer. No me gusta escribir, ¡es muy difícil! Yo juego el béisbol, fútbol americano y básquetbol. Mi deporte favortio es el béisbol. Juego el ajedrez competetivivo. Toco la tompa francesa. Eso es todo. ¡Adios!

Good job.

Answer 7

Chris:

I think it's important to tell him now that he doesn't need lots of "yo" in his speech. It'll break him of a bad habit and will help him down the road. I think this is something that should be taught right from the beginning.

He did a good job, and I think we conveyed that message to him.

Answer 8

thank you! yes, that is what I was hoping for :D