(Una secuencia animada sigue, en la cual dos hombres dibujados pelean

0
votes

Azucena Scene 12 '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

(Una secuencia de animación sigue, en la cual dos hombres dibujados pelean
por una atractiva mujer quien se siente adulado y atraida por ellos.
ella es conquistada por uno de los pretendientes; él se la roba.)

---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|--

(An animated sequence ensues, in which two cartoon men contend
for an attractive woman, who is flattered and attracted by them.
She is conquered by one of the suitors; he spirits her off with him.)

WE HAVE CALLED AZUCENA AN EXPERIMENTAL NOVEL AND HAVE PRESENTED THIS
AS A SCENE-A-DAY NOVELA DELIVERED BY E-MAIL, ACTUALLY, HOWEVER, THE VERSION
OF AZUCENA BEING PREVIEWED HERE IS A SORT OF SCREEN TREATMENT FOR A MOVIE
OR OTHER FORM OF VIDEO PRODUCTION . WE ARE STILL LEARNING HOW TO MAKE MOVIES
AND ONLY HAVE PRODUCED A FEW SCENES, ALSO EXPERIMENTAL. THIS PROCESS BEGAN
MANY YEARS AGO AS PART OF A LANGUAGE-LEARNING PROJECT OF MEXICAN VILLAGE WOMEN.

SOME PARTS OF THE STORY ARE MORE OR LESS REFINED AND THERE ARE SOME ERRORS
OF LANGUAGE AND BETTER USAGES OR MORE VIVID OR MORE REALISTIC WAYS OF SAYING
ANY HELP WE GET IN EITHER THE ENGLISH OR THE SPANISH SIDE WILL BE APPRECIATED.

4176 views
updated JUL 29, 2011
posted by Martin-Rizzi

7 Answers

1
vote

Martin, if you don't pay attention to the corrections this is quite useless:

(Una secuencia animada aparece, en la cual dos hombres de dibujos animados

pelean por una atractiva dama quien se siente atraida y adulada por ellos.

ella es conquistada por uno de los pretendientes; él se la lleva

updated JUL 29, 2011
posted by 00494d19
0
votes

Changes made to master manuscript. Thank you.

Scene 12 *****************************************************

(Una secuencia animada aparece, en la cual dos hombres de dibujados pelean por una atractiva dama quien se siente atraida y adulado por ellos. ella es conquistada por uno de los pretendientes; él se la lleva.)


(An animated sequence ensues, in which two cartoon men contend for an attractive woman, who is flattered and attracted to them. She is won over by one of the suitors, who whisks her away with him.)

updated JUL 29, 2011
posted by Martin-Rizzi
0
votes

Azucena Scene 12 '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

(Una secuencia animada aparece, en la cual dos hombres dibujados
pelean por una atractiva dama quien se siente atraida y adulado por ellos.
ella es conquistada por uno de los pretendientes; él le roba a ella.)

---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|--

(An animated sequence ensues, in which two cartoon men contend
for an attractive woman, who is flattered and attracted to them.
She is won over by one of the suitors, who whisks her away with him.)

updated MAY 3, 2009
posted by Martin-Rizzi
0
votes

Nice job Eeeker, I really like your changes. The only thing I would add is to change "attracted by them" to "attracted to them". Using "by" makes it sound like there is some type of coercion happening.

updated MAY 3, 2009
posted by Kurt-Jaeger
0
votes

who whisks her away[/color]."

That is IT!! Wonderful eeker smile

What I would like to know how we say that nicely in Spanish.

Lo único que se me ocurre:

Se la lleva, se la quita (al otro) blank stare

updated MAY 3, 2009
posted by 00494d19
0
votes

Martin,

The sentence "He spirits her off with him" is correct, but spirits implies that he took her secretly or mysteriously, as if he showed up at her home and stole her away. I would prefer whisk, which means to convey briskly.

Conquistar may work in Spanish, but a direct translation to conquer is too strong for English. "Won over" would be better, as it simply implies that one of the suitors convinced her that he was the more attractive.

"With him" is unnecessary.

Finally, I think that a comma is preferable to a semicolon to keep the flow going.

So my candidate sentence is "She is won over by one of the suitors**, who whisks her away**."

Congratulations on your language-learning project! I wish you much success.
--Eeek

updated MAY 3, 2009
posted by Eeeker
0
votes

(Una secuencia de animación sigue, en la cual dos hombres dibujados pelean
por una atractiva mujer que se siente adulada y atraida por ellos.
[del]ella [/del]es conquistada por uno de los pretendientes; él se la roba.)<--le roba el qué'''
''''''''''''''''''?
(An animated sequence ensues, in which two cartoon men contend
for an attractive woman, who is flattered and attracted by them.
She is conquered by one of the suitors; he spirits her off with him.)<---|no sé pero eso no me parece correcto. Espera más opiniones.

updated MAY 3, 2009
posted by 00494d19