Poem for my husband. All help is greatly appreciated.

Question

All help is greatly appreciated. I want it to be the best and most heartfelt poem ever that I am capable of. You get the gist.

En el comienzo las aguas

eran tranquila y calmas

Me encantan de tus olas,

sino pidiéndolo

bastante mareada.

In the beginning the waters

were tranquil and calm,

I love your waves,

but I am becoming seasick.

Answer 1

I would like to help sunshine but, (1.) I am not much of a poet and (2.) I am still mad at him.

hehe, you just made my night, thank you, seriously!!!!!! - sunshinzmommie, MAY 20, 2010

excellent. totally excellent. - mountaingirl123, MAY 20, 2010

I think we all are....grrrrr.... - Izanoni1, MAY 20, 2010

:-) - billy-jones, MAY 20, 2010

Answer 2

Al principio los aguas eran tranquilas y calmadas. Me encantan tus olas, sino me encuentro muy mareada.

Answer 3

How about this:

En el comienzo las aguas

eran tranquilas y calmas

Me encantan las de tus olas,

sino pidiéndolas

me quedo mareada.

Answer 4

Might I suggest:

sino pidiéndolo

bastante mareada.

pero me tienes mareado

con tal como tu corazón nos ha fallado

You know that I love A L L suggestions :) - sunshinzmommie, MAY 21, 2010

Answer 5

En el comienzo las aguas / "al principio las aguas"

eran tranquila y calmas / "estaban tranquilas y en calma"

I love your waves, / "me encantan tus olas or me encanta tu oleaje"

but I am becoming seasick / pero ya me mareo or me estoy mareando"

thank you for your help mountaingirl :) - sunshinzmommie, MAY 21, 2010

Answer 6

En el comienzo las aguas

eran tranquila y calmas

Me comfortaban tus olas

Pero luego te ensuciaste

De basura te llenaste

Y entre tanta inmundicia

Ya yo no quiero bañarme

Ojalá vengan tifones

Que te remuevan el alma

Y que hasta los tiburones

Prefieran dejar tus algas

Sorry... I know it's not what you set out to write,but I guess I'm mad too!

you are so kind, and made me smile, don't think for a second that I haven't wanted to say the same thing......darn jerk. - sunshinzmommie, MAY 21, 2010

Answer 7

Al principio las aguas

eran tranquilas y calmas

Me encantaban tus olas,

sino hoy en día

me vuelven mareada.

(I added "hoy en día" as an emphasis that there has been a change from the beginning into the present since "sino" usually leads to some exception)

Edit: Didn't sound right with "encantar" in the present" and it seems you're trying to describe the waters as constantly how the used to be, so I'm sticking with "ser" but "estar" could possibly be better. Maybe a fluent can give you a better poem, but it was fun trying to make one myself for practice. : )

Answer 8

Hi, Sunshinzmom, this is a great poem!

Please help me to understand the last 3 lines - "I love your waves/but rather asking for it/fairly dizzy (nauseous, seasick) ?

Answer 9

Sorry Sun.......... I"m no poet either but I had to say this is hilarious. Way to go!

thanks to you my firend!!! How is your Spring so far? - sunshinzmommie, MAY 21, 2010

So far mine is excellent and I hope your's perks up soon. - Yeser007, MAY 21, 2010

Answer 10

All lines have to have eight syllables......