La poeta is back with another poem! Alma Abatida

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We had some serious computer issues... had to buy a new computer..and just got the internet turned on today!!!.

Alma Abatida (I was told it was abatida even though alma is a masculine noun)

Triste figura escondiendo en las sombras,

te he visto llorar todas las noches a la luna

que te salvaría de las penas que te rondan.

Pero tus gritos no aguantan, dudosos,

Por el viento amortiguados están.

Su debilidad es el veneno que los mata.

Alma abatida, bien te conozco.

Por los campos tenebrosos caminas.

Tu abrigo bendito, un desfrazado engaño es,

que atosiga lentamente tu percibir.

Desnúdate de ti, alma abatida,

deja atrás tus demonios.

Te lo ruega el corazón,

Pues la noche desalmada no te salvará.

2191 views
updated ABR 7, 2010
edited by NikkiLR
posted by NikkiLR
So, glad to see you back
Thank you

7 Answers

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Ok, one more question smile

Desnúdate tu misma,

I put desnúdate de ti. I have seen similar usage like that, so I was going out on a limb playing with the words. In English I cannot word it right, but something along the lines telling them to strip themselves pretty much of themselves.

updated ABR 7, 2010
posted by NikkiLR
hmm, desnúdate de ti...doesn'tsound right. may be: desvélate a ti misma?
Like I have heard, desnúdame de mí before in a book I was reading.
¿Por qué no? Desnudarse es también despojarse de algo. RAE: "Desprenderse y apartarse de algo. Desnudarse de las pasiones." A mi me parece una imagen hermosa, "Denúdate de ti". Inusual, pero no incorrecta, a mi juicio.
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Oh...I thought you meant to say:

Te lo ruego de corazón, which I did not correct actually.

No, your sentence is correct.

Te lo ruega el corazón, unusual, but perfectwink

updated ABR 7, 2010
posted by 00494d19
Jeje, yeah, unusual. You usually tell me that ,)
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Te lo ruega de corazón,

You cannot say te lo ruega el corazón...

As, the heart begs you?

updated ABR 7, 2010
posted by NikkiLR
Ohh, and by the way, I like the way "se hallan" sounds ,)
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Alma Abatida (I was told it was abatida even though alma is a masculine noun)---yes, that's it

Triste figura escondida en las sombras,

te he visto llorar todas las noches a la luna

que te salvaría de las penas que te rondan.

Pero tus gritos no aguantan, dudosos,

Por el viento amortiguados se hallan.----están is ok, hallarse sounds more poeticwink

Su debilidad es el veneno que los mata.

Alma abatida, bien te conozco.

Por los campos tenebrosos caminas.

Tu abrigo bendito, un desfrazado engaño es,

que atosiga lentamente tu percibir.

Desnúdate tu misma, alma abatida,

deja atrás tus demonios.

Te lo ruega de corazón,

Pues la noche desalmada no te salvará.

I had not seen this before, nice job, as usualwink

updated ABR 7, 2010
posted by 00494d19
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Nobody has any grammar for me? It would be very helpful. smile

updated ABR 6, 2010
edited by NikkiLR
posted by NikkiLR
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I forgot how to format the text.... sorry :(

It is free verse though... but I will try to fix it.

updated MAR 29, 2010
posted by NikkiLR
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La Poeta:

Welcome back. I missed you many months ago and I am happy to see you return.

 

Pero, con permiso.
You have entered 3 paragraphs of text.
Was it your intention to make stanzas or verses out of each one?
Was it your intention to break the paragraphs down into individual lines?
If it was, the way to break each line down and cause an end of line marker to occur is to enter 2 spaces at the end of each line before pressing the "enter" key.
That is what I have done to make each sentence of this paragraph start on its own line.
If I have presumed too much, disculpame.

updated MAR 29, 2010
posted by Moe