Ella lo ve entrar por la puerta, vestido en pantalones de mezclilla - Corrections? Improvements? either language

Question

scene 223 ***********************************************************

Ella lo ve entrar por la puerta, vestido en pantalones de mezclilla

botas que suenan en el suelo, él sonríe tímidamente cuando él la ve.

She sees him coming in the door, he is dressed in blue jeans;

boots clicking on the floor, he timidly smiles as he sees her.

Ellos intercambian miradas juveniles y tímidas, después miradas jubilosas;

ella muestra una sonrisa, la amplia sonrisa de un niño, que él le devuelve.

They exchange childish and shy glances, then joyful looks;

she breaks out a smile, a broad kid’s smile, he returns it.

Ella jaranea el hecho de que ella ha sido digna de él; que

él ha venido a ella, que él ha enfrentado a todo por ella.

She revels in the fact that she has been worthy of him;

that he has come to her, that he has braved all for her.

Ella está de nuevo con él y sus poderes regresan a ella;

su monería lo mueve, ella está dentro de él en un segundo.

She is with him again and so her powers return to her;

her cuteness moves him, she is inside him in a second.

Answer 1

The line "she is inside him in a second" is confusing to me. Other than that, it looks pretty good to me for the most part.

one second she is outside of him, the next second she is inside of him - Martin-Rizzi, NOV 27, 2009

What do you mean by "inside of him"? The picture that comes to mind for me is her being eaten by him or skinning him and putting on his skin (thanks to my Prehispanic lit. class for the second of these 2 mental images....) - Maureen-Early, NOV 27, 2009

you are very welcome to suggest an alternative expression if you have an idea - Martin-Rizzi, NOV 27, 2009

Answer 2

Usually we say "vestido de pantalones..."

"Y botas que suenan al pisar el suelo" - For sentence structure. "Taconando" from the word ""tacon" (heel) could also be used in place of "suenan," which is similar to clicking.

thanks - Martin-Rizzi, NOV 27, 2009

Answer 3

scene 223 ***********************************************************

Ella lo ve entrar por la puerta, vestido de pantalones de mezclilla

botas taconando en el suelo, él sonríe tímidamente cuando él la ve.

She sees him coming in the door, he is dressed in blue jeans;

boots clicking on the floor, he timidly smiles as he sees her.

Ellos intercambian miradas juveniles y tímidas, después miradas jubilosas;

ella muestra una sonrisa, la amplia sonrisa de un niño, que él le devuelve.

They exchange childish and shy glances, then joyful looks;

she breaks out a smile, a broad kid’s smile, he returns it.

Ella jaranea el hecho de que ella ha sido digna de él; que

él ha venido a ella, que él ha enfrentado a todo por ella.

She revels in the fact that she has been worthy of him;

that he has come to her, that he has braved all for her.

Ella está de nuevo con él y sus poderes regresan a ella;

su monería lo mueve, ella está dentro de él en un segundo.

She is with him again and so her powers return to her;

her cuteness moves him, she is inside him in a second.