Ella se baja del autobús con su bulto y tomando el camino - corrections? revisions? improvements? either language

Question

**scene 170 *********************************************

Ella se baja del autobús con su bulto y tomando el camino que ella y él habían caminado cuando ella estaba tan contenta.

She steps off the bus with her bundle and taking the path that she and he had walked along when she was very happy.

Ella había estado llena de regocijo ese día, tímida al lado de él mientras que él la presume a sus amigos; ella lo recuerda entonces.

She had been full of joyfulness that day, shy beside him as he showed her off to his fríends; she remembers it then.

Su casa - su casa - entra en la vista como fuera fantasma; el amor que ellos compartían allí, magnificado por memoria.

His house - their house - comes into sight like a ghost; the love they had shared there, magnified by her memory.

Ahora, ella está acercándose a la casa y se ve como en aquel tiempo; sólo que ahora ella esta viéndolo en la realidad, no sólo en memoria.

Now, she is approaching the house and it looks just like then; only now she was seeing it in reality, not only in her memory.

Ella camina a la casa, abríendo la puerta saludando y Arturo es un padre orgulloso!

She walks up to the house, opening the door with a greeting and Arturo is a proud father!

Él es el mozo guapo, orgulloso y feliz de verla; él la abraza y la besa y abraza y besa al bebé.

He is the handsome hayseed, proud and happy to see her; he hugs her and kisses her and hugs and kisses the baby.

Answer 1

1. I would say "camina" instead of caminando

2. presume - I would translate as "presumes to be" so I would use alardear or fanfarronear instead

3. la casa de ella - la casa de él y ella aparece como si fuera una fantasma, el amor que ellos habian compartido alli magnificado por "su" memoria

4. en "su" memoria

5. abre la puerta con un saludo y ...

thanks very much friend - changes made to master document - all these scenes are still subject to further revisions - Martin-Rizzi, OCT 5, 2009

in Mexico presumir = to "show off" - the word may be misused here . i don't know that one can righty say "el la presume a sus amigos" however i do think it is a valid vernacular expression - i will ask somebody tomorrow if this expression sounds natural - Martin-Rizzi, OCT 5, 2009

Answer 2

**scene 170 *********************************************

Ella camina fuera del autobús con su bulto tomando el camino que ella y él habían caminado cuando ella estaba tan contenta.

She steps off the bus and with her bundle taking the path that she and he had walked along when she was very happy.

Ella había estado llena de regocijo ese día, tímida al lado de él mientras que él la presume a sus amigos; ella lo recuerda entonces.

She had been full of joyfulness that day, shy beside him as he showed her off to his fríends; she remembers it now.

Su casa – la casa de los dos - aparece como si fuera una fantasma; el amor que ellos habian compartido allí, magnificado en su memoria.

His house - their house - comes into sight like a ghost; the love they had shared there, magnified by her memory.

Ahora, ella está acercándose a la casa y se ve como en aquel tiempo; sólo que ahora ella esta viéndolo en la realidad, no sólo en memoria.

Now, she is approaching the house and it looks just like then; only now she was seeing it in reality, not only in her memory.

Ella camina a la casa, y abriendo la puerta con un saludo - Arturo es un padre orgulloso!

She walks up to the house, opening the door with a greeting - Arturo is a proud father!

Él es el mozo guapo, orgulloso y feliz de verla; él la abraza y la besa y abraza y besa al bebé.

He is the handsome hayseed, proud and happy to see her; he hugs her and kisses her and hugs and kisses the baby.