Please, proofread my letter! thanks

Question

Hi Paul!

How is it going? It has been a very long time since the last time I saw you.

I've read your letter. I can't believe you are planning to apply for that Youth Camp... Don't you remember what I told you about that job? It was the worst job I've ever had. If your purpose is to improve your English and to get more fluency your French maybe it's a good option but anything else! Be sure to think carefully before you send that request, otherwise you could repent! First of all, you shouldn't believe what that brochure says about the small groups. I am not sure but I remember there were no group smaller than 25 persons, so, as you can imagine, despite the fact you are a great organiser, it will be very difficult to make activities with a bit of calm.

But this is nothing compared with the salary that awaits to you! Ignore what the brochures says about "excelent pay and conditions". It's just the opposite!. On the one hand the payment seems a pocket money. You could hardly pay your stay and your expenses with that salary. On the other hand, your leisure time will be about a half day per week so you start forgetting all about go out with your bike. In addition, all travel expenses are paid on your own and a couple of months later they will give it back.

In short, I wouldn't like to see you in that camp, but, of course, the last decision is yours. If you lastly decide to go there I suggest you to do it in August because is better organised and there are less crowd. I hope this help you to reconsider your decision.

I am looking forward to see you soon.

(GRACIAS )

• Raul, this is an excellent attempt! Really well done there mate! - billygoat Feb 8, 2012

Answer 1

Congratulations! You did a great job! I tried to correct your post in Word so that I could highlight my changes in red, but it didn't transfer to here. So, please just compare to your original.

Hi Paul! How is it going? It has been a very long time since the last time I saw you. I've read your letter. I can't believe that you are planning to apply for that Youth Camp... Don't you remember what I told you about that job? It was the worst job I've ever had. If you want to improve your English and become more fluent in French, then maybe it's a good option but there are ways to do these things other than this! Be sure to think carefully before you send that request, otherwise you might regret it! First of all, you shouldn't believe what that brochure says about the small groups. I am not sure, but I don’t remember any groups smaller than 25 people. As you can imagine, it will be very difficult for you to keep activities calm, even though you are a great organizer. These problems are nothing compared to the poor salary that awaits you! Ignore what the brochure says about "excellent pay and conditions". It's just the opposite! The pay is no more than pocket money. You could hardly pay for your stay and your expenses with that salary. In addition, your leisure time will only be about one half day per week, so you can forget all about riding your bike. In addition, you have to pay all travel expenses up front. In a couple of months they will pay you back. In short, I wouldn't like to see you in that camp but, of course, the final decision is yours. If you do decide to go there, I suggest you do it in August because it is better organized and less crowded. I hope this makes you reconsider your decision. I am looking forward to seeing you soon.

• The red did not transfer to here because this site can not accept fomatted text in that way. - ian-hill Feb 8, 2012
• Thanks kdrinning for your help and your time!. Un saludo! - RaulSpaniard Feb 8, 2012

Answer 2

Very well written. Most of the changes I made were just to make it more natural sounding, although there were a few grammar and spelling errors. Again, my English is American.

Hi Paul! How is it going? It has been a very long time since I last saw you.

I've read your letter. I can't believe you are planning to apply for that Youth Camp... Don't you remember what I told you about that job? It was the worst job I've ever had. If your purpose is to improve your English and to get more fluent in your French maybe it's a good option, but not for anything else! Be sure to think carefully before you send that request, otherwise you could be sorry! First of all, you shouldn't believe what the brochure says about small groups. I am not sure, but if I remember correctly, there were no groups smaller than 25 persons, so, as you can imagine, despite the fact you are a great organizer, it will be very difficult to lead activities (calmly= in a calm manner, or that are calm, depending on what you mean).

But this is nothing compared with the salary that awaits you! Ignore what the brochure says about "excellent pay and conditions". It's just the opposite! On one hand the payment seems pocket change. You could hardly pay your stay and your expenses with the salary. On the other hand, your leisure time will be about a half day per week so you can forget all about going out on your bike. In addition, all travel expenses are paid on your own and reimbursed a couple of months later.

In short, I wouldn't like to see you choose that camp, but, of course, the decision is yours. If you ultimately decide to go there I suggest you to do it in August because it is better organized and less crowded. I hope this helps you to rethink your decision.

I am looking forward to seeing you soon.

• Muchas gracias como siempre Stadt! No me importaría coger tu acento americano... :) - RaulSpaniard Feb 8, 2012

Answer 3

You have done correct job, some minor errors and details are to be viewed here:

''it's long time since I saw you last time'', ''may be your French is a good option'', ''IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY'' is better to be ''if I am right'', ''there were no smaller groups'' should be in my opinion, ''there have been no smaller groups than 25 individuals.. ''payment would mean pocket change'', instead of ''the payment'', article here should be better omitted., and before, ''compared to the salary'', I think is better than saying ''compared with the salary'', ''pay your stay'', would better be ''your staying'', half a day'' better than ''half day''..''I would like to see you choosing that camp'', is better than single ''choose'' in this case, ''ultimately'' better be replaced by ''finally'' , I suggest you should do it in August, as verb ''suggets'' is always followed by ''should'', being suggestion,in the vast sense of ''must..''- I hope this will help you IN having a second thought on your decision, instead of saying..''in rethinking your decision''. It's av ery good letter anyway, by all means, congratulations, some small details, may just ''escape'' us upon writing, as being minor only.. THANKS AGAIN, Caterina