Childhood. Could you proofread my text,?

Question

This is an introductory paragraph of an argumentative Essay whose tittle is: Childhood is the best stage in a person's life.

Childhood in general form should be the best stage in a person's life; but in our world unfortunatelly there are two types of children: Kids whose parents love them and they are responsible with their family. On the other hand, there are children whose parents are fallen in many problems, those have their heart sad. Although, many people think there are children that born in difficult circumstances that make their childhood unhappy, there is some evidence that childhood is the best stage in a person's life, at least in most cases.

Thanks

Answer 1

Childhood, generally, should be the best stage in a person's life. Unfortunately, in our world, there are two types of children. There are children whose parents love them and responsibly provide for their families. Then there are children whose parents wrestle with many problems and have had their hearts saddened. Although many people think children born in difficult circumstances are bound to have an unhappy childhood, there is evidence that childhood, in most cases, can be the best stage in a person's life.

• thanks dogwood - maylegoas Dec 22, 2011
• dogwood, I had sent the second part, perhaps could you see it, I'll thanks - maylegoas Dec 22, 2011

Answer 2

Dogwood has done a great job so I wont offer any suggestions re composition/grammar etc but I was just wondering about your phrase - "unfortunately there are two types of children".

To me that doesn't quite sound like what you might mean. Perhaps it would be better to say something like - "unfortunately childhood is not always perfect" or "in our world however there are some unfortunate children".

Do you see what I mean? A slight change will help to make the unfortunate thing the childhood or the situation that the children find themselves in instead of the unfortunate thing being that there are two kinds of children.

Just my thoughts anyway

• I wondered about that, too. You have made a good suggestion. :) - dogwood Dec 22, 2011