Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter don't mind...
Be who you are and say what you feel.... Because those that matter... don't mind... And those that mind... don't matter."
Do you think it is important not to crawl, to bow, to always say what you think even if it is not good for you, to always say what you really think?
Or do you always think twice before you talk?
My interpretation: I don't mind what those who are not important to me think, and those who know me, will forgive me if I do or say something they don't like.
I do my best to ignore what others think and listen to my own spirit. Also, I avoid mean or selfish people because they can suck the life out of you.
I know when something is right or wrong, and my moral code (do unto others as you would have them do to you) leads the way.
However, I do listen to the advice of those people who love me. I may not follow their advice all of the time, but I listen and consider it.
I would take it as 'be who you really are, don't try to be some-one else just to impress people'.
The reasoning being that 'those who matter to you already like you for who you are'.
On the other hand, others can think what they like and if they don't like it, you will probably find that their opinion isn't too important to you anyway.
The important thing is not to be attached to what people think of you ,but to be mindful of the thinking process which gave them those conclusions . In other words be grateful to those who give you praise, for their generosity needs rewarding,and to those who heap scorn upon you show them loving kindness , and that will be your reward. this is not "bending the knee" or being weak it is choosing a middle ground and being mindfully aware of each persons needs.
It all depends on the situation. And on the means of communication. I guess it's much harder to express something aptly in writing, without being able to show your facial expression, gestures and to transmit the tone of your voice. And it can also be a lot easier to feel offended if you take something/someone too seriously.
Nicely said, Heidita...
Of course we should be who we are without trying to match someone’s criteria so that they like us or love us…
However we should constantly work on “who we are” and not take criticism with animosity, but consider even a bit of truth in it. We must be as we expect others to be. No use in searching for faults in others and hide our own...
Above all we should have a constant awareness of our Eternal Self and never get inflated when we are praised, never get deflated when we are blamed. All these things are transient and relative...
In practice, I often keep quiet about what I think if I disagree; I don't like confrontation and I still have a big need to please. I tend not to tell people my opinions unless specifically asked. I won't lie about what I think though, however much others may disagree with me. I will listen to a reasonable person's argument against my own opinions, because my own are not set in stone, and I don't (currently!) say "I would never do such-and-such" because I can't see into the future!
I recently had my first tattoo, I am quite proud of myself in that I didn't ask anybody's opinion as to whether I should or not. I feel that it's quite a step for me, strengthwise, that I am truly stating "If anyone doesn't want to be my friend because I have a tattoo, I am not losing anything because somewhere along the way there will certainly be other things about me that they will dislike enough to reject me. I will not hide the real me."
Some years ago I watched the film "The Runaway Bride" link text, I recognised my own weakness (one of the many hehe) which was that I would try to fit myself to my man instead of being myself. It does not lead to happiness for either party, I know that's obvious, but emotions can be so tricky, when I was young I didn't know that I was doing it except with hindsight.
I'll be watching this one, it's very interesting thank you Heidi.
I used to be very mindful of what others thought of me, but as I've become older the more and more I just don't care what others think of me because at the end of the day it's my own opinion of myself that matters and not theirs. I used to try and please everyone in my life because I thought I needed their approval for all that I did. Then one day I realized that I would not grow as an individual if I didn't start taking chances and leaps of faith on my own; it took me a long time to believe in myself and my own self worth and that I did not need someone telling me it was okay to do something. I speak my mind now, but not in a harsh or brazen way, and I do keep in mind that other people have feelings and will not always feel as I do, but I am not afraid to be me and it makes me think of my Mother's favorite saying - "I'm going to be myself and I don't care if it hair-lips every darn dog in the county! They can just get over it!" :o)
I recognised my own weakness (one of the many hehe) which was that I would try to fit myself to my man instead of being myself.
I don't think I would or could do that. I think that leads to unhappiness. I know some people are happy knowing others are, and have no own personality, so to speak, they strive on others, but I could not do that. I would like to mention that awful "obedient housewives" movement again, I mean, how can you be happy if you live like another person thinks you should live?
I don't know, I think one of the most important things in life is not to lose or give up your own personality, for any reason at all.
Imagine a husband cheating on his wife and insisting that his wife should forgive him, because she loves him
This is taking the " I think people who know me will forgive me..." to the extreme. So I kill my mother and my father will have to forgive me because " I did something he didn't like" ? I mean.....
This, of course, goes over as well as can be expected, and two weeks after having picked up his teeth off the ground he is still sleeping on the couch.
My cats are getting frightened...I am screaming and literally rolling on the floor.
I think this would not "be true to yourself" but be rude. I mean, I don't think it is necessary to hurt anybody whereas it is still possible to be yourself and say what you think.
Let's go with your scenario: so she is fat and looks terrible. He could say this right out, but that would hurt the woman, so why not be true to yourself but gentle and say:
Hey, my love, why don't you try on that green suit, I am sure that colour will suit you much better.
Being the green suit of course a larger size and not be so tight on her, hence really look better
I think it is possible to combine both: be true to yourself and say what you think, but not be hurtful or infringe pain on others intentionally-
(...) and those who know me, will forgive me if I do or say something they don't like.
But isn't it a bit opportunistic? Imagine a husband cheating on his wife and insisting that his wife should forgive him, because she loves him (and perhaps he loves her as well). Or a guy insulting his friend and justifying himself saying something like "nothing has really happened, because we're friends anyway".
Tuve que pasar muchas años en esta tierra antes de darme cuenta de que "soy quien soy" y lo importante no es ¿qué piensa Fulano de mi? sino ¿que pienso yo?. (I need this "yo" Heidita. lol) Bien lo sé que es justo y que es malo. Entonces lo importante para mi es ser la persona que debo ser. Si esto no le agradece a Fulano, entonces el problema queda con él. Sí, tengo cuidado con lo que digo porque para mi es importante no dar pena a cualquier persona. Esto no quiere decir que vivo para que todo el mundo me quiera, porque supe hace mucho tiempo que no es posible. También estoy de acuerdo con lo que decía Marianne en su respuesta.
I had to spend many years on this earth before realizing that "I am who I am"and the important thing is not "What does Fulano think about me?, rather what do I think? I well know what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, what's important to me is to be the person that I ought to be. If this doesn't please Fulano then the problem lies with him. Yes, I am careful with what I say because to me it's important not to hurt anyone. This is not to say that I live my life trying to please everyone because I learned a long time ago that this is impossible. Also, I agree with what Marianne said in her answer.
Be who you are and say what you feel.... Because those that matter... don't mind... And those that mind... don't matter.
This is a cute little saying, but while clever, like most chiastic sayings it is probably best to take any wisdom imparted by such sayings with a grain of salt. They are usually more bold than they are wise. That is to say that most sayings of this nature do not really impart some universal truth but are often designed more with the intent of sounding witty. Of course, I believe that the underlying intent of the original statement was meant to stress the importance of being authentic over being accommodating. In many ways, I agree with this idea, but again I also have some reservations as to whether this applies universally. Sometimes it is important to be accommodating as well.
While it is reasonable to say that it is better act genuinely rather than constantly acting in a manner designed with the sole purpose of pleasing others, this certainly does give one carte blanch to live solely according to one's whims and desires. To say that it never matters what others think might work on a deserted island, but in a mixed society, the inherent strength of this saying tends to crumble under scrutiny. After all, we are all individuals yet we live in a society which requires us all to play nicely together.
Certainly as a member of society most of us already tacitly accept many of the social standards and mores imposed on us by our own communities even when they might not align perfectly with our own personal standards or beliefs. Would it be safe to say that the wisdom of this saying might break down in the following scenarios:
Scenario 1: A racist in the midst of a large group of people to whom he holds a strong feeling of hatred decides to both loudly and boisterously espouse is feelings of superiority by casting numerous caustically offensive epithets at the group of people surrounding him. Say what you feel because those that mind don't matter? Tell that to the guy when you visit him in the hospital.
Scenario 2: A man whose wife is a bit overweight is trying on bathing suits, and after pouring herself into one which is clearly too small for her large frame, she asks her husband, "how do I look." Of course the man thinks to himself that he must say what he feels because those that matter don't mind, so he goes on to tell his wife how she looks like so many pounds of chewed up bubble gum. This, of course, goes over as well as can be expected, and two weeks after having picked up his teeth off the ground he is still sleeping on the couch.
Perhaps it might be wiser not to take this saying too literally. I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who once said: You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
I think that this aphorism, while similar in spirit to the original, can be applied more universally as it avoids the outright claim that what others think simply doesn't matter but rather seems to imply that the quickest path to failure is in trying to please everyone.