I sometimes think men don't think before they talk, in this case write letters.

I know I am not the only one to get weird letters, our friend mountaingirl once even closed her PM function because of this kind of stuff, but lately.....

But I do feel men should apply the three t's : think things through

What about you? Do you sometimes "put your foot in it" because you have not thought carefully enough what you were saying /said?

I do feel though it is men who do this more often than womenraspberry Hmmmm ?wink

  • I tried to vote ten times, but only one vote was accepted. jejejeje - Nicole-B May 15, 2010
  • jeje @ Nicole :-) - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • Heidi - if we had to T T T we would often be speechless. :) - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • it is called "dentopedology" :)) - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • As complicated as women are, there are times that we men get in trouble no matter what we say. So, T T T would make us speechless, as Ian said... which would still get us in trouble! ;-P - danrivera May 15, 2010

39 Answers



Do men "think" before they talk?

What!!??? big surprise

Are you telling me that now we're expected to think before we talk!!???shock

That's just great. shut eye

The next thing you know, they'll be telling us that it might be a better idea to try taking our shoes off before we take our pants off or that we ought to turn the bathroom light on in the middle of the night before we use the toilet or lift the toilet seat before we use the bathroom or that we should pay our bills before they go into collection or that we should look behind us before we back the car out of the driveway or that it's somehow better to eat dinner before dessert or that after 4 hours of hardcore football in the mud with our buddies we should, for no good reason, take a shower before we get into bed or that maybe we should clean up that gaping cut before it gets infected or that we need to take the trash out before the garbage collector comes or that we need to take the dog for a walk before we end up having to clean a stain off of the carpet or that we ought to use our safety glasses before we lose an eye or that maybe it would be best to dry our hands off before working on that electrical outlet or at the very least, that we should probably at least turn the breaker off before getting started or that we should make sure our feet are out of the way before changing that tire while using that rickety and rusty old jack or that we ought to really consider reading the instructions before putting that complicated piece of machinery/furniture/appliance/or whatever together or that maybe, just maybe we should take our other foot out of our mouth first before trying to cram the other one in there so forcefully....

alt text alt text

Sheesh!!! The ideas you women come up with sometimes....it boggles the mind rolleyes

  • Jejejeje - --Mariana-- May 15, 2010
  • Are you being sarcastic Iza ? :) You missed quite a lot of "befores" by the way. And some "afters". - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • Ugghh!! Now you're telling me that there are afters to consider to, too!!?? This is just too much for one day. - Izanoni1 May 15, 2010
  • :::rolling on the floor:::: - 00494d19 May 15, 2010
  • Funny! - Lise-Laroche May 15, 2010


As a man, I think it is possible we can be guilty of a number of things when it comes to communicating, and much like a disease, being a man has symptoms. What are those symptoms, you ask? Well, read on.

If you have any of the following, you just might be a man:

  1. not listening - if a person talks (verbally) about something too long, the person will just get bored and think about their favorite movie or something. This is often evident during telephone conversations.
  2. not being interested in talking sometimes - if a person is watching a football game, you may find they probably won't be listening about your latest shopping trip to the clothes store.
  3. going to do manly stuff in the middle of a conversation. For example; fixing a car, or chopping wood, mixed-martial-arts fighting, or breaking bricks with their head.
  4. saying things that don't make sense. This is largely a byproduct of symptom number 1 (not listening), so it ends up there are two unrelated conversations going on.

However, I am not so sure sending weird letters is a part of it.... because, you see, we men try to avoid writing at all costs.

  • May 15, 2010
  • | Edited by primus May 15, 2010
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  • Please! My wife does #1 to me CONSTANTLY! :-D - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • lol, avoid writing..well, in this case....lol...very funny primus! - 00494d19 May 15, 2010
  • Jaj - Rey_Mysterio May 16, 2010



Women want men to think before they speak and men want women to say what they think (and not be expected to sense it.

  • May 15, 2010
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  • haha, this is so true! - --Jen-- May 15, 2010


Proverbs 25:11 (New King James Version)

11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.

Proverbios 25:11 (Reina-Valera 1995)

11 Manzana de oro con figuras de plata es la palabra dicha como conviene.[a]

Psalm 34:13 (New King James Version)

13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

Salmos 34:13 (Reina-Valera 1995)

13 Guarda tu lengua del mal y tus labios de hablar engaño.

  • May 15, 2010
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Two jokes pertaining to part of the problem.

  1. A man finds a genie in a bottle that said he would grant one wish. Man: I am afraid of airplanes and boats; build me a bridge from California to Hawaii. Genie: That would be too difficult. Please, ask for another wish. Man: I want to know how to understand women. Genie: How many lanes do you want?

2. alt text

  • May 15, 2010
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  • One small error donvon - you have "Man" switched on. - geofc May 15, 2010
  • Another small error - there is an "O F F" switch in the lower panel. - ian-hill May 15, 2010


It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt - anonymous.

I think both sexes are equally capable of speaking impulsively without thinking. However, I do think that women are much better at understanding and empathising and are therefore less likely to say something really hurtful or insulting by accident, but this is a generalisation and I have no facts to back it up, this is just my opinion based on what I've experienced smile.

I just wanted to add that I agree entirely with Ian's comment about girls being better at making intentionally cruel comments. Women tend to fight with their tongues, not their fists and we know exactly what to say for the maximum hurt (the flip side of understanding another persons' emotions). I went to an all girls' grammar school, I know exactly how mean girls can be.

  • More really insightful stuff. I may have to quote you too. - Goyo May 15, 2010
  • I've always liked that saying, but I'd forgotten about it - did you put it in the phrasebook? - Lise-Laroche May 15, 2010
  • That would have been my idea of heaven ! I went to an all boys one , that was seven shades of hell. - ray76 May 15, 2010


Let's ask ourselves what the ramifications of this discussion brings.

Do we (us women that is) really want men to change their method of delivery and become more and more like women? I don't know about you, but I appreciate the straightforward, honest manner in which men communicate even if sometimes it hurts my delicate feminine feelings. A world without the straightforward, off the cuff, verbage of men would be dismally complicated, trite, and emotionally messy. I find men refreshing and interesting and so much easier to get along with. Women can complicate a relationship right out of existence. Sorry if I have stepped on the opinions of my fellow female cohorts, but I don't think you really want men to change one iota either!

  • May 15, 2010
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  • Hi Renae - have a vote. I am glad to see you again. - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • I like men. SOme call me one of the guys and I think that is a compliment. - nizhoni1 May 16, 2010
  • Que quiere decir "iota?" - Rey_Mysterio May 19, 2010
  • Iota is the 9th letter of the Greek alphabet- here used to mean 'a very tiny amount'. - galsally May 22, 2010
  • iota = tiny little bit - webdunce May 22, 2010


I have to say that this human trait does not only apply to men.

In fact over the years I have noticed an increasing amount of criticism from women towards men - much of it the result of generalizing all men from the actions of one male individual.

In my opinion women are "better" than men at throwing out intentionally hurtful comments and men "better" at doing it without realizing what they are doing.

When it comes to verbal (and other forms) of communication between humans I don't think there is much to choose between the sexes - we could all be better and we all say things we regret.

If it is true that men commit this error more frequently than women and women know this then they should be able to make allowances for it.

PS - do women want to know the truth or hear some contrived comment that is the result of TTT?

  • I very much agree with the hurtful comments. Very much agree. (In my experience, I should add) - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • You said something profound. I'm going to quote you in my comments. - Goyo May 15, 2010
  • I agree with you as well, women are intentionally hurtful (way more than men, anyway). - Lise-Laroche May 15, 2010
  • women are better at finding the right button to press,the one marked emotional pain. - ray76 May 15, 2010
  • I agree with much of what you have said Ian especially about women generalising about men but sadly some men do it too when will people learn that we are ALL different? - FELIZ77 May 16, 2010


There is a saying in Spain: "calladito/a estás más guapo/a".

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  • May 15, 2010
  • | Edited by nila45 May 15, 2010
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  • ¿Nila - está en el Phrasebook? - margaretbl May 15, 2010


No lo que entra en la boca contamina al hombre; mas lo que sale de la boca, esto contamina al hombre.

Mateo 15:11 Sagradas Escrituras (1569)

  • May 15, 2010
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Ok, seriously this time:

I think we're really mixing two different (although related) things here.

One is how men and women communicate. Of course the world is not made out of absolutes. The opinions expressed thus far in the end point to the fact that "foot in mouth disease" is not exclusive of either sex. Men overall tend to be more rash and direct, yes. Women tend to be more deliberate (and therefore have the capacity to be more hurtful when they mean to wound) with their speech, yes. And neither behavior is gender-exclusive, yes.

That's basic psychology and genetics. Men and women are not equal, period. (Thank goodness!).

The other issue, however, and I believe that's what Heidita is really concerned about, are the cultural and, to certain extent political, problems of gender inequality and violence against women. And these are sociological and anthropological concerns. They of course have their roots on the biological differences between the sexes, but unlike genetically driven behaviors, are learned, and not hard-wired.

As a male, I am as guilty as any other of saying and writing things with the best of intentions, only to be utterly surprised by the hurt / offended reaction on the part of the female receiving my message. Yes I have learned a lot through several decades of hard learning, but I still can never be 100% sure.

On the other hand I never, ever approach another person, either in person or by mail, making unsolicited proposals, requesting intimate details or photograph, or trying to force a conversation. And I learned very early on that when somebody says "no"; it's no, and I do not attempt to trespass that limit.

One behavior I can learn, and have done at least to my satisfaction. I don't receive complaints from females regarding my behavior or my messages. The other behavior I have tried to learn, but it is as the genie of the joke says: easier to build the great, long, crazy bridge.

The fact is, as a male I never receive unsolicited mail of a sexual nature (except for the Spam that everyone gets,of course), I never get my butt grabbed by strangers, never get asked to pull my shirt up, never have to walk worried about stalkers, have never have been forced into an intimate act I didn't wish to carry out, and never get my work questioned or underpaid, nor my intelligence insulted because of my sex. And the fact is, the great majority of the females I know, friends and family, have had to put up with several, of not all of the above.

To me, that's the difference. It's not whether men think before they talk or write. It's whether you were raised as a cad, or became one on your own, and whether you are willing to change, or even can see the need of changing. It is whether you think that all people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity regardless of their sex, race, religion, nationality, age and biological differences, or that because you have your reproductive organs dangling between your legs, you have the right to feel superior, and therefore mistreat those who are different from you.

  • May 17, 2010
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I think that it is not just men, though I would agree that the statistics will most likely fall heavier on the side of men.

I agree with Dan. However, I do think that men tend to put their foot in their mouths a bit more than women because they don't pick up on emotions and social cues in the same way that women do.

I think, in general (I'm not speaking for all men or all women), that women are a bit more sensitive and are better at determining the right things to say and the right way to say them.

Hopefully, I won't receive a lot of "hate mail" for this opinion. wink alt text

  • May 15, 2010
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  • Of course, since I have received a few crazy PM's from men recently, I just may be biased. :) - Nicole-B May 15, 2010
  • I agree. Women are wired "differently" (I will refrain from "better") :-P - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • Yes...and to be fair, it can be said that women are more likely to be caddy, to gossip and to nag. But that is not me of course!!!! jejeje - Nicole-B May 15, 2010
  • Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, mail, hehe - Eddy May 15, 2010
  • I could never hate you Eddy!! You are one man who never puts his foot in his mouth!!! jejej - Nicole-B May 16, 2010


A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  • May 15, 2010
  • | Edited by Eddy May 15, 2010
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  • So true! And, there is nothing wrong with a closed mouth. - Lise-Laroche May 15, 2010
  • There is unless you are a ventriloquist.or you have a blocked nose :) - ian-hill May 15, 2010


I think this statement by Ian is pretty profound:

In my opinion women are "better" than men at throwing out intentionally hurtful comments and men "better" at doing it without realizing what they are doing.

Nametaken further expounded:

I think both sexes are equally capable of speaking impulsively without thinking. However, I do think that women are much better at understanding and empathising and are therefore less likely to say something really hurtful or insulting by accident....................... Women tend to fight with their tongues, not their fists and we know exactly what to say for the maximum hurt.

In my opinion, these comments very accurately describe the situation. In short:

Men are boneheads.

We are, and we just can't help it, and part of it is the fact that for most guys, we haven't been using words on the same level as women. So we don't really know what hurts and what doesn't, a lot of times. Or we don't know what should hurt and what shouldn't.

I don't think it's as much a matter of thinking it through before we speak as it is just not getting it in the first place. Because I know I've said things before that have totally incensed members of the opposite sex, and sometimes I've never known what it was that I said that caused her to get so angry. And other times, I've only understood it thanks to someone very patiently explaining to me why the thing I said was so patently offensive.

The thing is, men almost never want to make a woman angry by what they say. Usually when we do, it takes us totally by surprise!

  • May 15, 2010
  • | Edited by Goyo May 15, 2010
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  • Awww...gets my vote. - --Mariana-- May 15, 2010
  • You're kidding, right? I love provoking women. They are such easy targets. They take everything to heart. - 0074b507 May 15, 2010
  • Goyo some very good points made especialy the last one about unintentionally upseting a woman . Maybe we need some honest feed back in situations where we have hurt them so we can avoid it in future ?! - FELIZ77 May 16, 2010
  • Very good points Don Goyo...in addition we men train each other to be that way bythe way we "pick at" each other with words. We program each other to be insensitive. IMO - billy-jones May 16, 2010


I agree with you entirely , not only do we not think things through but will more often than not make a rash decision and forge ahead without thinking through the consequences. Just recently I met a charming young lady and over dinner I said that I valued her friendship and would appreciate a relationship based on our academic interests , I saw the look of horror on her face , and quickly realized that I had made her feel I thought she was unattractive. After a series of back flips and apologies I managed to retrieve the situation from disaster, but that was caused because I had not thought clearly through before I spoke , Women are much better at this than men . rolleyes

  • May 15, 2010
  • | Edited by ray76 May 15, 2010
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  • LOL. Yes, many men feel your pain there, my brother! :-D - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • Can I vote 3 times, just this once? ;-) - danrivera May 15, 2010
  • If someone complimented me on my intellect I would be delighted. - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • If she had said the same to you would you have been mortified? - ian-hill May 15, 2010
  • Unfortunately, women are more complicated that we are. - danrivera May 15, 2010